By Guest Blogger, Mary Schmidt, Marketing Troubleshooter
Caroline Kennedy has taken some flack for suggesting to some NYT writers that they should perhaps consider writing for women’s magazines. This was intended – and taken – as a slight.
Of course, a lot of very good, insightful writing is published in “women’s magazines” – particularly if we think beyond the “little woman at home” stereotype. Pretty much any publication is of interest to women these days, from The Economist to Good Housekeeping. I’m not a Mom so I skip over all the “do things with the kids” articles, but even a "traditional" publication like Woman’s Day generally has something of interest to me.
Then I run smack dab into this headline in Redbook’s Public Opinion section, “Where do wives belong?” They quote Megan Basham, author of the book Beside Every Successful Man: A Woman’s Guide To Having It All, making the controversial case that it’s a woman’s nature to want to stay at home and nurture the ambitions of her husband. In turn, she says, her support will help boost his career, creating more security for her and her family.
Snip from the Publisher's Weekly review of the book: "Especially for women who want to "embrace a slower-paced, more graceful, family-oriented life" (feminists and career gals need not apply), Basham has created a guide for helping one's man achieve success (and, thus, get one's own in the process). Basham is straightforward and practical (if occasionally overbearing), complete with infomercial-quality promises like 'Using your PR savvy to increase household cash flow.'"
Is it me or does this read just a tad patronizing? Also, more than a bit unrealistic for many women. Ms. Basham profiled the wives of very successful men, including Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, for one. These are women who can well afford to hire help and I'm sure do. They're not standing there exhausted at the end of the day, with baby spit-up on their shirt, trying to give their husbands "PR advice."
Yikes! Are we still having this “debate?” One wonders, is Ms. Basham staying at home nurturing? Or, is she still out on a media tour, like other women promoting the “help mate” role before her (Anita Bryant and Phyllis Schafly immediately spring to mind. Were those two ever actually at home, much less in the kitchen?) What’s manly provider Mr. Basham doing these days? Eating cold beans out of a can while watching his little helpmate on The Today Show? Hmmm…
To be fair to Ms. Basham, many of the reviewers at Amazon said the book was very useful. But, c’mon. Relying on another person for your emotional and financial security seems pretty risky, and – well – rather naïve. (I'd also submit that she is benefiting from all the work those dang old feminists have done in years past. She appears to be - at most - in her early 30s. She didn't live through the times where you were fired when you got married...it was fine for Ricky Ricardo to spank Lucy when she'd done somefin' stoopid...the "old ball and chain" was given an allowance by the hubbie...and women were strongly discouraged, if not actually prevented from, having any kind of a career outside the home, including - um - speaker and best-selling author.)
If a woman stays at home, that’s between her and her husband. But, please, m’am, don’t beat me over the head that your "choice" is the only right one. You can choose because your hubbie is willing to keep trudging out into the workplace every day...no choice for him. And, while working at home and raising a family - done well - is truly hard work and should be respected as such...there aren't any performance and salary reviews. You can be an absolutely lousy wife and mother for the extent of your career.
Here are a couple of quotes from the Redbook article:
“I love being a homemaker, and I believe a huge part of my job is building up my husband’s confidence…I’ve tried working, but staying at home and being my husband’s best friend, nurse, and sounding board is the greatest thing since sliced bread!” - Christine, 45, Clinton, MS
“A woman’s place is where she feels happy. I’m happy in the workforce, but I have friends who are happier at home. How can a woman possibly support her husband and kids if she’s not happy herself?” – Gretchen, 36, Highland Ranch, CO
Okay, now I’m going to pick on the “happy worker.” Look that’s great – but you can’t be happy all the time. We women can’t have it all – and it’s not because of sexism. It’s because nobody can really have it all. None of us are entitled to doing whatever makes us happy. Let’s not confuse choice with entitlement. The poor schnooks with the wives at home don’t have a choice. Happy or not, they’ve got to keep going to the office.
Wasn’t this where we were back in the 1950s??? No wonder companies have such a hard time "marketing to women."
One size (or publication) doesn't fit all, even part of the time.
Comments