People Are "Squishy."

By Guest Blogger, Mary Schmidt, Marketing Troubleshooter

Illogical, unorganized, emotional, needy...and that has driven many a results-focused biz person nuts (of both sexes…not all us women are into group hugs and sing-alongs, at the expense of getting something done.)

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn in managing people is that others don’t think (or act) the way I do. In personality tests, my profile is “Dominator” and “Field Marshal” – fellow Ds and FMs include Margaret Thatcher and Napoleon (?!). I was somewhat heartened to see Abraham Lincoln on the list, but  despite the sainthood people have bestowed on him, he was most definitely un-squishy - a hard-ball politician and president. 

Back in my corporate days, I’d tell someone to – in essence – “go take that hill” and he’d end up wandering around cubicle-land, looking lost and unhappy, since I didn’t tell him EXACTLY what to do and how (and – sigh – why.) Me, on the other hand – tell me the outcome needed and I’m off. I don’t need anything else. I’ll call ya if I need air cover.

That said, I did come to realize that different roles require – ta-da! – different skills, thanks in part to mandatory - groan -  team training.  While I can do the details, in the most anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive ways needed…I don’t want to…and it’s not my real forte. (Show me a hill to take!) In my last "real job" I once whined noted to my manager that I really hated all that line-by-line stuff in contract negotiations. His reply, “Yeah, well, there's nobody better - you do it with a laser focus, and you hate to fail…” (Which was far better than saying “Tough. It’s your job.” He turned the tedium into a hill to take.)  Conversely, poor unhappy, wandering Bob WANTED to stay in his cubicle and do the detail stuff.

So, if you're hugger, think about the other person...maybe they don't want to get up close and personal...they just want to get the job done.  And, fellow Ds, if you see someone headed your way with arms open wide...maybe you should submit just this once. ;-)  All people are "squishy" in some way.  We're  big balls of untidy emotion, using logic to justify our decisions, in both biz and life.

P.S. If I don’t know you – I really don’t want to hug you on a first meeting…or even maybe never. (Women often seem to do this automatically.)

Comments

[Coree Silvera]

Oh my goodness...I am so happy to hear I am not the only one that cringes when a hugger comes my way. I have felt bad because I am not "squishy" like other women.

I find myself in shock sometimes when I'm the one overtaken in the moment and actually initiate the act. Am I dreaming? What the heck am I doing?...

My son asked me the other day if women were supposed to shake hands. So, I turned around and gave him a lesson on how to properly shake hands, look someone in the eye, and create the perception that you are a confident and capable person that is focused on what they have to say at that moment.

Can you do that with a hug? I swear I'm not a frigid uncaring person. A hug is all good & fine at the proper time with someone I'm familiar with. Otherwise, back up off me...please.

P.S. > Loving the new Lipsticking Society! Can't wait to see what else you have in store!