Lip-Sticking

Forgive Him? Are You Kidding Me?

By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge

I know what you're thinking already ~ How could I POSSIBLY forgive him for what he's done? For all the pain he's caused me? For abandoning me and our future? NOT gonna happen!

Now, don't get me wrong. Most people feel like forgiving someone means that you're somehow suggesting what they did was okay. That IS part of it. However, the reason I'm bringing this up is to help YOU. As John Green says, "The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive."

You see, forgiving someone actually helps you in a multitude of different ways. First, it alleviates some stress. You feel lighter. You feel happier. You feel empowered.

Second, it helps with the energy drain that we typically suffer from while coping with a divorce/breakup. As we begin to forgive, the negative thoughts of him and the relationship start to fall away. We bring that energy back to ourselves and our lives and it helps us focus on the future and what really matters.  Yay!  Bonus!

Third, your confidence and strength is boosted through forgiveness. Have you heard the saying, "It takes a big person to forgive"? I think it's our innate desire to forgive those that have wronged us. It does take some gumption and your self-esteem gets the benefit. You feel good!

Forgiveness truly is giving up the wish that things could be different.  Yes, do you perhaps wish you had married someone else? Do you wish you would have left two years ago instead of letting it drag on? Sure.

However, no one can change the past.  What happened ~ happened.

The question then becomes, My Sassy Darling: What are you going to do with it? Will you let it affect your precious present moment? Will you let it affect your future? Are you going to hang on to the past with both hands? OR release it with a gentle smile?

I know it can be tough and it IS a process. It's simple to think, "Oh, I forgave so-and-so." However, when it comes right down to it, you still feel ugly feelings and harbor a grudge. That's natural. That's why this is a process. It chips away at the hurt and negativity. You feel better each time you do it.

And GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK, Dear One. Realize that complete forgiveness may not come for a while ~ a long while and that's okay. Give yourself as much time as you need.

Here are a few tips on starting the forgiveness process:

1. Find a peaceful spot where you won't be interrupted.

2. You can either write it out or say it out loud. It's important to either write it OR verbalize it rather than just thinking it.

3. So you start out with, "I understand that ____________." Go on and on until you get it all out.

For example: I understand he wasn't faithful to me.  I understand it wasn't my fault. I understand he left his dirty underwear all over the bedroom floor. (*Smile*) I understand that he is selfish.  I understand that he hurt me. I understand that he did this and this.  Just lay it all out there.

4. When you get to the end of the list, then say or write, "_________ (insert name), I understand all of these things and I forgive you."

5. Slowly exhale and feel the release.

At first, it may be difficult to wrap your head around this exercise. It seems like you're giving him a free pass for breaking your heart. 

Actually, you're giving yourself a gift. Remember that, Sweet Pea.

This is also helpful if you want to forgive yourself for something or for anyone in your life you'd like to forgive such as parents, friends, the guy that cut you off in traffic, etc.

So just remember: There's no right or wrong way to forgive. There's no time limit and no rules. It's simply a great way for you to move on with your fabulous amazing future!

Shine On!

Feeling Lonely This Weekend? 5 Quick Tips for Fun

By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge

Ahhh, yes, the good ol' weekend is upon us. Do you remember the days when you couldn't WAIT for Friday afternoon? The rush of the anticipated weekend plans kept you going all week? Then...you find yourself un-coupled and sometimes, when you're coping with divorce or a breakup, weekends take on a new meaning.

I remember those dark days well.  My excitement was replaced by anxiety. Sooooooo...how was I going to fill my time? I mean big, huge CHUNKS of time ~ not just an extra minute or two here and there.

The planless weekend seemed like it would swallow me up. Either that, or I'd emerge Monday morning with tear-swollen eyes and remnants of Ben & Jerry's in the corners of my mouth. The weekends became my enemy.

It really wasn't so bad if I had my daughter. She kept me pretty busy and we'd go here and there and have fun. But the weekends without her...oh, dear. If you understand where I'm coming from, I've got a few tips that will help you get through the dreaded weekend. Soon enough, I was actually enjoying myself just a wee bit. Then more and more and more until finally...I RELISHED every moment alone! That's right. Just me, myself and I having a great time! Woo Hoo!

Try these out if this weekend feels like this to you:

1. Make a serious plan of action. Not kidding. DECIDE what you're going to do with your weekend. Take the power back. Make a little list with each half hour of the weekend and figure out how you're going to spend it. Maybe you've got some plans. Maybe you NEED some plans. If you already know what you're going to do, it takes the edge off. P.S. Make sure you've got some fun in there!

2. Do something alone that you've always wanted to do. I went to an art gallery opening once. Yeah, I'll admit...it was a tad awkward but guess what? I had fun anyway. I felt good being out and about and I was proud of myself for doing it alone.

3. Head to the nearest book store or coffee shop. So what if the Friday night crew at my local Borders knew me by first name? I liked being there and immersing myself in a book or two took my mind off other "things." Sometimes, we don't need to really engage other people ~ but just being in their presence helps our own energy to soar.

4. If you want to feel bad, then feel bad. However ~ and I've said this before ~ this is a "timed" activity. Give it all you got for 10 minutes and then move on to being happier and sassier, Sweet Stuff!

5. If you need overstimulation, go for it. When I was feeling lonely, if I kept my house really quiet...I began noticing just how quiet it was. No child. No husband. No laughter. Ugh!! So silence really bothered me for a while. I'm not a huge fan of TV (unless it's shameful reality TV like The Bachelor or Keeping Up With the Kardashians) but boy, I had it on all the time ~ just for background noise. I'd read a book and watch TV and do my nails while checking email ~ you get the picture. It's okay to be in this space for a while.

6. Bonus tip!! Remember the quote: This too shall pass. Let that sink in. It's hopeful and it's true. Time passes. Heartbreak eases. You find joy again.

All right, Sassy Pants, now get out there and get your weekend on!

Shine On!

Friday Musings - On a Sunday

by Yvonne DiVita

I seem to have misplaced Friday. Did you see it lying around your desk, anywhere? It came and went on my end, before I even knew it. Saturday followed. Hence, I am doing Friday Musings ... on a Sunday.

Truth is, the day doesn't matter. Musings being what they are - vague or jumbled thoughts on one thing or another. I have them often, not just on Fridays. Surely, you do, too?

This week I'm struck by the nuances of life. How life unfolds for each of us. How we, as human beings, grasp or don't grasp the meaning of our consciousness - our lifeblood - our 'being', if you will. Facebook abounds with daily affirmations - be all you can be, look forward not back, forgive and forget; the messages are all the same, written in different words, shared in different fonts, circulated via social media until they finally land on Pinterest.

What Men Don't Get About Women's Purses

  Article by Chloe Spencer

A woman's purse is her most treasured belonging, she never goes anywhere without it, and to lose it basically means losing her life. Right ladies?! Everything is in your purse! Your wallet, credit card, driver's license, keys, cellphone, makeup, to-do lists, perfume, the list goes on. It's pretty much like Mary Poppin's magic bag where you can fit a whole lamp in there and passers-by would never know.

I can fit a surprising amount of stuff in my purse, as much as I can get into it. Men may think we're crazy, but the more we have in our purse, the more comfortable we are that we are prepared for anything. Bandaids, gum, hair ties, safety pins, chapstick, pens, tampons...a woman's purse is pretty much a walking convenience store. And even though there's (usually) never anything scandalous in our purses, it's pretty much a crime if anyone tries to go through it.

The Woman Who Made Furs Fabulous

Article by Chloe Spencer 

While I was doing research for my Huffington Post article I was writing on the fur industry and why you should buy faux fur, I came across a site called Fabulous-Furs. But the furs on this site were faux, and looked just as real as their counterparts.

I was amazed…I looked through the collections of full-length white mink coats, coyote vests, and fox shawls, which all looked so real, except that they were only a few hundred dollars each instead of tens of thousands of dollars each! All beautifully made with high quality fabrics, and the best part, never harmed an animal in the process.

In fact, animals were helped in the process. Fabulous-Furs donates to hundreds of non-profits for animal rights every year. It is also the finest faux fur clothing company in the World, with celebrity customers, TV appearances and products sold at Saks Fifth Avenue. You're probably thinking, wow that is fabulous! All thanks to a woman named Donna Salyers, who put the fabulous into furs.

The Fuss About Ugg Boots: A Girl's Guilty Pleasure

Article by Chloe Spencer 

First off, let me explain what Ugg Boots are to those who may not know. Ugg Boots are suede boots with a rubber sole, shearling lining and sometimes a shearling cuff. They are pretty much as un-shapely as possible for a boot, and the average length sizes are mid-calf or below the knee. 

They were popularized In Australia by male surfers where they were created, and were introduced in the U.S in the 70's as a fashionable boot for women. Nowadays, most teenage and college-age girls own at least one pair of Ugg Boots, if not several. But they may not all be made by the actual "Ugg" brand. These suede and sheepskin style boots became so popular that stores and brands all over the nation began to make their own style of these boots; for example, Wet Seal sells "Ugg-style" boots for only $15, made of faux suede with a faux shearling or fur interior. Whereas Ugg sells its boots for $100 and up, on average $200.

Disasters: They are Life Changing. In More Ways than One...

by Yvonne DiVita @lipsticking & #smallbiz

I'm not a disaster recovery expert, by any means. But, I know about disasters. Little ones, anyway.

I lived through the ice storm of 1991 in Rochester, NY - two weeks without heat or lights, and no school. I didn't have a business, so it was an inconvenience, more than anything else. At the time, I was a stay-at-home mother, so...when the rest of the neighbors went back to work, within a few days, I was in charge of the kids. I remember waking up every morning thinking, "Today, today the power will come back on and the kids will go back to school." Lucky for us, we shared a generator with our next door neighbor, so we had some heat and electricity - enough for our refrigerator and to run the microwave occasionally. And one light, at night.

That's minor compared to the disasters making the news today. Earthquakes, tornadoes, tsunamis, you name the horror Mother Nature can fling at us, and there is likely someone you know who has experienced it, or will in the future.

The Evolution Of Undies

Article by Chloe Spencer 

Undies, underwear, underpants, panties, knickers, briefs: whatever you call 'em, we know we're all talking about same thing. Have you ever thought about who the heck even came up with the idea for undies? Where they originated from, and why? Well, it's exactly a normal thought. But then again, after glancing at the title of this article you felt a strong urge to click on it…

So! Obviously you are interested in learning all about the piece of clothing we wear around our crotch and bottom! I bet I have quite an interesting crowd here... Well, I can't talk myself, I was the one who sat down at my computer, pondered over what to write about and instantly thought, "Undies!"

When the world really is just you and just me

Just Me and Just You: A post that was written almost three years ago and still holds power today.

A good writer and editor (Robbi Hess, who manages this blog) said recently that repurposing 'old' blog posts was a good idea. When I happened on this post, while looking for something else, I paused and thought, "This is a good post to share, again." Most of you will not have seen it. Some of you will. All of you - and me - might be served by it. Enjoy!

When I was studying literature in college, the classes that challenged me the most were the poetry classes. As a child, poetry was my closest friend. Every afternoon after school, you could find me on the little windowseat at my house on the corner of a small city street reading poems out of a Best of Anthology.

Friendship - Some Thoughts

by Yvonne DiVita

I'm feeling reflective these days. Reflecting on how the web has brought us together in some really fantastic ways, and how it's caused some really serious issues, too. Sometimes, people you think are your friends, turn out not to be your friends. <sigh> I'm talking about people who KNOW you and when you screw up, instead of heaving a big sigh, telling you to shape up, and then accepting that...gee whiz, you're not perfect! ... allow you to move forward, letting the screw up slowly fade into yesterday.

I'm reminded, in my reflective mood, that the internet is no place to have an argument. IF you have ever begun to write a blog post in anger, to respond to a perceived 'attack' on yourself, or if you are tempted to put a comment in a blog post in response to a perceived slight someone hurls at you - don't. Calm down. Contact the person personally. Work it out. Don't get into the trap of saying something stupid online. (yes, even if it's someone you have helped in the past.)