Jane Promotes the Carnival and Gets an Award
Jane Reports on New Thoughts for a New Millennium

Five Funny Stories

Let's have some fun, today.  That's what Jane said to no one in particular when arising from bed this morning. "Fun," we gave a decisive nod, "is missing from our life, lately." We don't doubt that you, also, dear reader, could use a bit of fun. Do not forget that women enjoy humor. Be selective...know your market, understand that in some instances you may even poke fun at US...and we will LAUGH. Check with your mother, wife, sister, aunt, grandmother, or the lady who delivers your mail, just to be on the safe side.

Now, enjoy our five funny stories, all taken from the book, Women's Glib, A Collection of Women's Humor, edited by Rosalind Warren. Jane is loathe to admit it, but the book was given to us by a friend who happens to be ... a psychiatrist. We are not going to comment on his offering this neat book as a gift, with a mischevious glint in his eye and a giggle in his throat. We will accept that he was being...helpful. That is what psychiatrist's do, isn't it?

No, Jane was NOT in therapy at the time. We know you believe that with all your heart, right?

Let us start with the cover image, which is not available at Amazon, since this book was published in 1991 by The Crossing Press. The cover was done by Nicole Hollander. It shows a cartoon woman of indeterminate age, a baby boomer if ever Jane saw one, standing against a white background.  She is wearing a pink sweater with a green bandana tied around her neck. Her short red hair is in pigtails reminiscent of Pippy Longstocking. She has a frown on her face as she looks off into the distance, at some unidentified person, perhaps at you, dear reader. She is saying, "Go ahead. Make me laugh."  (now that you mention it, dear reader, yes, we do see a resemblance to Clint Eastwood.)

Short poem by Irene Warsaw:

TIME TABLED

At age fifteen I used to think

The boys at school were out of sync.

The guys I then considered GREAT

Were those around age thirty-eight,

From whom of course there was no chance

I'd ever get a second chance.

So here I am at fifty-four,

Which age group do I now adore

And view as super-glamor men?

The VERY SAME ONE, chum, as then--

From whom of course there's not a chance

I'll ever get a second chance.

In a section on Criminal Court Roundups, this little ditty from Veronica Geng, on Supreme Court Roundup:

GIBBERISH: The Court voted unanimously not to review a case in which a court of appeals struck down a lower federal court's decision to vacate an even lower court's refusal to uphold a ruling that it is not unconstitutional to practice "reverse discrimination." Chief Justice Happ, who wrote the opinion, said that the Court "is not, nor will it consent to be, a body of foolosophers easily drawn into jive baloney-shooting." The Modern Language Association filed a brief of amicus curiae. ("friendly curiosity.")

Two cartoons by Nicole Hollander:

Cartoon one shows a woman with glasses reading from a piece of paper, "Okay, so newspapers have to run wedding announcements, I can accept that. But how about equal space for divorce announcements? Isn't it a public service to inform the world that someone's free to date?" Sincerely, Available in Albany.

Followed by a women in black offering her opinion, "Yes! And they could use your old wedding photo, with a rip down the middle. You should contact your local newspaper. I don't see how they could refuse."

More poetry. This time by Charlotte Avrutis Kellar:

The Poet

She tears apart her aching heart

And shows her soul to view.

Of tragic years, in blood and tears

She writes, as she must do.

She tells of hope unrealized,

Of sorrow hard to bear,

And sells it to a magazine

To buy some underwear.

From Nikki Giovanni, excerpted from her book, Sacred Cows...and Other Edibles, this illuminating look at motherhood:

Everyone Says Babies Are Difficult

Everyone says babies are difficult; it's just not true. Changing diapers, wiping pabulum from chins, eating bottles in the middle of the night are a snap compared to picking up your own telephone that you pay for every month and never hearing a familiar voice, either friend or relatives, but rather a barbarian girl or boy demanding, "Tom home!" I was at first annoyed by the question and then by the tone, but I've trained myself to respond only to the question asked: "Why, yes he is. How kind of you to call and inquire. I must go now." I then hang up. The barbarian response next was, "Can I speak to Tom?" to which I replied, again, as sweetly as possible, "It appears you are quite capable. I hear you very well. I must go now." Finally they reached the desired question, "May I speak to Tom?" which, unfortunately, elicits, "I'm sorry, dear, but Thomas may not use the telephone until his grades improve." I don't add, "Or hell freezes over." Whichever comes first. Hell will surely win.

*opinions expressed in this post, taken out of context from the book, do not necessarily represent the viewpoint of Jane or Lip-sticking or...anyone else that we know personally! Just so you all know. :-)Womenshoponline

Now, wasn't that fun? Women are just so funny. Jane wishes she could have included some of the more -- controversial -- stories, but, room is at a premium here and the really good stuff was pages and pages of rocking and rolling laughter. If just one of these little stories brought a smile to your lips, we remain content. If you are compelled to purchase this little book, we are even happier.

What's not to like about that?

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