Good, Tuesday, dear readers. (it is still Tuesday, isn't it?) Jane is fit to be fried! Yes, we know the expression is fit to be tied, but since we are not into bondage, we feel that fried better expresses our state of mind today.

Suffice it to say that our lives are bursting with excitement, of one sort or another, all of it Female-Friendly, by the way. Let us explain...

It's Fit by Five day ... that part of the week in which we offer 5 tidbits of advice, or 5 fun facts, or 5 phenomenal features, or 5 SOMETHINGS to help you market to women online more successfully. Which we will get to, in a moment.

Before we begin our Fit by Five, we must share this news: we just found out that Mercury-- the planet not the metal-- is in retrograde and because Mercury controls communication of all sorts, perhaps some of you are also dealing with poor Internet connections, computer break downs, cell phone interruptus---as is Jane. Which is why we are so fit to be fried!

There. Jane has gotten that off of our chest. A friend is into the word 'bosoms' so we offer you that description, also, if it suits. Far be it from us to let Mercury inhibit our communication skills!

Let's look at 5 Fickle Fingers of Fate that might affect marketing to Jane and her friends while Mercury misbehaves-- and offer suggestions to overcome them.

1. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If Mercury is leaving you tongue-tied, we advise a good strong cup of green tea and a few moments of quiet. Remember when your mother used to say, "Say what you mean, and mean what you say."? Of course, you do. Review your marketing message-- read it out loud-- and ask others to read it back to you. The task is in the telling.

2. Never underestimate the power of a woman with a purse! This month is Women's History Month-- Jane has mentioned that before-- and in doing so, always quotes Susan B. Anthony who said, "Every woman should have a purse of her own." In this millennium, in this country, every woman does, indeed have a purse of her own. Even Barbie. If you would have her open it while she is on your website-- despite Mercury's hinderances-- you would do well to attract her by following the lead of Fragrance for You.

According to a March 15th article in Forbes, at this perfurme site, visitors can "enter their personality and lifestyle details into the online form. The computer then produces a description of the fragrance custom-designed for the customer."

Mercury being in retrograde should not have any effect on your desire, and ability, to personalize your products and services. If you are not able to afford personalization software, at least offer choices, and the ability to converse via email about those choices.

3. Women with pets-- BIG opportunity! According to Encarta online, "There are more dogs in the United States than there are people in the United Kingdom. There are more cats in the United States than there are people in France."

We do not want to go on record as saying that women are the prime owners of...cats...or dogs...but, take note. Women like little, furry creatures. Woo us with them. They chirp and mew and wiggle and twirl and bewitch us as easily as any drug or alcoholic drink. And, they don't care where Mercury is in the sky at any given time. (or, if they do...they do not communicate it to us. We hope you enjoy our little picture-- no real animals were harmed in the taking of it.)

4. Speaking of communication-- and its ability to aid in marketing to women online-- there is the issue of a picture being worth a thousand words. While Jane will admit that this is often the case, we DO NOT recommend you use cute little icons to identify links to other areas of your site.

A picture of a woman's shoe could mean-- a link to shoes, or to dressing up for a special event, or an article on back pain. A picture of a flower could mean gardening, special occasion gift, or an article on allergies. A picture of a boat could be referring to summer athletic activities, or a special occasion such as a cruise, or an article on drowning.

You see how easily it can be to miscommunicate your message, even when Mercury isn't in retrograde. Keep it simple, silly. That motto works each and every time-- and simple often means: verbal. (we hope you noticed the 'special occasion event references.)

5. Last on our 5 Fickle Fingers of Fate is humor. Humor is -- always --in the eyes (and ears) of the beholder. As with our cute kitty included in this post. We are not sure how many of you, dear readers, may find this picture unfunny. We are unequivocably sure, however, that most of you find it very funny. And we are willing to risk the wrath of those who do not. (please write to our editor: [email protected])

Women -- contrary to popular opinion -- do have a rich sense of humor. Make it your job to discover just what we laugh at, while being sensitive to our feelings as Moms, sisters, aunts, cousins, girl friends, and grandmothers. Add humor to your site, especially now, during this scramble of communication while Mercury is in retrograde and watch the women flock to see what's so interesting at www.yoursite.com. Remember: when in doubt, do not pout! ASK!

Jane thinks there is much to like about that!