I do not see comments that relate to my situation. I am a 50+ boomer, married, PhD, career changer (multiple times) and parent of two adult children (23 and 25). I was a PTA officer, served on the board where I worship, worked out a few times a week and traveled for business.

Early in my career, I hired an in-home care taker who supervised my kids full-time when they were young and then part-time when they entered Kindergarten.

I never worried about the kids missing out on anything while I was at work and I did not miss out on late meetings or professional development, as my husband pitched in when alerted in advance. We had evenings after dinner to read, do homework and play games. On weekends we visited museums and family; we attended birthday parties, the occasional piano recital and chess tournament. As the girls grew older, they traveled via public transportation to after-school activities and did not require me to ferry them around. It was not ideal, but we made it work, at a cost to my pocketbook to pay for a loving caretaker who was with us for 12 years.

Now, companies in my city provide emergency back-up care for sick kids and sick babysitters. That would have been great at the time I needed it, but somehow I pulled it together.

Do I resent the younger generation having access to this life-saving service? No, they are benfitting from our generation's struggle.

I've long felt that until CEOs had daughters who were unable to advance in the corporate workplace, and until more women rose through the ranks to be able to implement change, there would be limited improvement. More women are moving ahead, but others are stymied and follow their own path.

Corporate life is not for everyone, but neither is entrepreneurship.

Employers, whether male of female, however, adhere to the traditional model. Taking time out for children or elderly parents bewilders them, as much as gaps in employment due to economic downturns.

Until that changes, until zig-zaggity career paths become the norm, women will remain at a disadvantage for employment, promotion and compensation.

In addition, I resent the media who think that four of their friends represent a trend. Women of color and of lower socio-economic status are rarely included in the picture. Their resources are fewer, their kids are more at risk and government and the private sector are not doing enough.

Finally, men have wives, women have housekeepers. And as Carrie Bradshaw said, "Sometimes you can solve a problem by throwing money at it." It works for individuals, but not collectively.

As a single without kids, I mostly feel the frustration Diane mentioned earlier. People will acommodate the mothers for their lives and responsibilities. It's a significant challenge to be a self-sufficient single woman with appointments and a house to manage on her own, when the corporate organization doesn't recognize this as it's own struggle. When a mother wants time off, it's understood for the most part - a single woman asks for too much time and it reflects poorly on her professionalism. Without a support network to help me with all of the daily issues that a family unit might otherwise handle collectively, I am often overwhelmed and actually think working and advancing myself would be easier were I not single, or if I had children. Which is a frustrating and backwards mindset!
I also sympathize with the working mother. I nannied for 4 children in my teens and after seeing that stay at home mother in action, I am amazed and give kudos to any woman can juggle both work and raise a family as an active participant in her children's lives. I have many friends that are new mothers and each have struggled with the decision about staying at home, working full time, or working reduced hours. They each have struggled with insecurities about being respected for taking time away from work to focus on motherhood. In fact, from my perspective, their biggest anxiety is about how others will perceive them if they do put a focus on their family.
I agree with mothers being allowed their personal time, but I do think there does need to be a balance and an offset for those that do pick up the slack.

This is top-notch dialogue.

I think it's so interesting that a post about a survey (albeit an engaging survey) has got us all talking about our own individual scenarios and our challenges therein.

It's a shame that we don't get a chance to connect like this more often. I know some of you who have commented really well and some not so well but, after this posting series, I feel closer to you all.

Am I the only one feeling this way? If you wanted to continue the dialogue about this would you want to keep writing via the blog or would you want something informal like a teleclass? I'm serious here. We should have the opportunity to express ourselves about this a lot more often.

-Lena

Toby -- you really hit on something that struck a nerve with me. While my situation is exacerbated as a single mom - because I don't have anyone to help with the "kid stuff" - but most of my logistical crises are silly things like dropping off the car! Which is a "singles" problem. Especially if you don't have family in the area; and no access to a second car.

I used to have to find car repair places within "running distance". Other things throw me off too, like waiting for repairmen, hanging a large picture, even putting together IKEA furniture that requires two people (although I've learned that all men want to be handy with a toolkit and don't mind "assembling furniture" as a date!). But you are soooo right, you can only impose on friends so many times. And, as we grow older, our circle of friends starts to get even smaller.

So, if we own a house, etc. we are taking on 100% of the responsibilities that are usually split between two people, and in the cases of married men higher up the food chain, they don't have that responsibility at all. So, maybe there should be some recognition for this.

This is actually one of the many reasons why I moved to the suburbs. Since being here, I've found that the SAHM's (stay at home moms) have been AMAZINGLY helpful and understanding. (Fortunately, I have managed to raise a son who is an angel at other people's houses; just not mine.) However, I do have the luxury of adapting my flexible schedule so I actually get to meet the SAHMs -- something most working moms don't have.

Also, I moved nearer to family - cousins - who have taught me that family is family and when you call, they answer - it's not an imposition. Since I can't leave the state due to divorce laws to move near my immediate family, I've found this is the only way I can make it all work.

I'm learning a lot here. One important thing Lena has taught me is that I can be stuck in my own view of the world, while new and exciting things are happening all around me. I wish more people, of all ages, were as focused and as committed as she is. I know a good number that are, but... alas, also too many who are not.

Maybe it's not a generational thing - maybe it's the accountability thing. I totally agree that we all need to be accountable for our actions - and "getting the work done" is a big part of that, regardless of who you are or how old you are. Having a family is not an excuse to push your work off on someone else.

Someone mentioned the men - and where they fit in this discussion. I guess that's another whole topic, but... they certainly have a place here. When Dads are involved in their kids' lives, I think it's easier to juggle work and home.

In the end, I quit my job and stayed home with my children when they were small because I KNEW I couldn't do it all. I don't know what I would have done if I could not have stayed home. And, as much as I think kids should have top-billing in the food chain, when it comes to my business, I admit: I want the work done, just like Lena does.

Hmmm....what do you suppose that means?