Lip-Sticking Not Lip Service!
July 16, 2007
by Guest Blogger, Lena West
NOTE: I do have updates (and a recording for those who missed it) about the Women & Technology Battlecry (a.k.a. The Quiet Revolution) but, I'm still processing the information so I'll save it for next week.
Our fearless Lip-Sticking leader, Yvonne, and I were having an email conversation recently (yes, we do communicate outside of this blog) about an event that was held to address why more women aren't choosing technology as a career. *humph*
Yvonne had graciously shared the details of the event with me thinking that I might have attended the event (since I was in Orlando, FL at the same time the event w
as held) and maybe I might have some insight to share with all you Lip-Stickers.
Ummm...no thanks.
These kinds of events tick me off to the Nth degree.
If I read one more 'special report' or attend one more event/webinar/teleclass that's supposed to be about moving women forward in technology but instead turns out to be a complete whine-fest, I think I'll toss my cookies. Excuse the French.
I did NOT attend the event in Orlando, FL but, I can pretty much guess how it went...
Events of this ilk provide great lip service about getting more women involved in technology and then they proceed to do absolutely zippo about what they perceive as a problem. Women aren't making it to the executive ranks...they don't have decision-making roles...they're dropping out of the industry because they're not being included...
Do you want some cheese with that whine??
The REAL problem with women working in technology (and many other industries) - as I see it - is not a glass ceiling but what leadership expert, Becky Shambaugh, calls a 'sticky floor'. The 'sticky floor' is a phenomenon that describes how women are not held back by others but rather they hold themselves back due to their own self-sabotage.
Now, you can comment and email me and ask me how I can be so insensitive to the needs of women...blah...blah...save it, please.
Let us not forget that I've been in this industry for over a decade. That's enough time to really know the landscape inside and out. I'm not saying that I know everything but, I know what I've seen. I know what I've experienced.
I've been told numerous times by male colleagues that they prefer to work with me because my communication style is direct, my feelings don't get jammed at the slightest provocation and because when I want to be included, if I'm not asked directly, I include myself. People who don't A-S-K never G-E-T. It's that simple people.
Am I saying that you have to share my personality/work style in order to be successful? Ah, yeah...a little. I've spent years studying the-best-of-the-best very, very closely and they have more in common than not. And, if it's one thing I aspire to be is the-best-of-the-best. Do women succeed without showing guts and in-your-face bravado? Sure. Though it's the exception and not the rule.
I can't tell you how many times I've seen female co-workers show weakness on the job - take crying for instance. See what the indomitable Carolyn Kepcher has to say about that here. All I have to say is ditto.
And, crying jags aren't the only problem...it's also:
- whining
- complaining
- feelings of being snubbed/excluded
- talking/complaining too much about kids/husband
- eating lunch with the same group of women day-in and day-out
- being scared/intimidated by straight talk or positive confrontation
- letting people take credit for your ideas without speaking up
- not wanting to 'brag' or toot your own horn
I could go on.
I'm not saying that you have to turn into a fast-talking, slick blowhard to get ahead because those kinds of people never make it past the lobby. But, enough with the lip service and kvetching from women's organizations, conferences and workshops. In the words of Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, "Well-behaved women seldom make history."
Bottomline: Say what you mean, mean what you say and go for it. Why not you?
Mary:
Thanks for your perspective!
To borrow some advice from your blog, I think it's high time everyone "cut the crap". Who cares about being nice for niceties' sake. When being nice comes at the expense of building better businesses or careers, it's time to evaluate if we'd rather be effective instead.
I don't think the two are mutually exclusive...that is, I don't think you can't be nice AND effective but, for the groups, organizations and people who make me choose, I'll always opt to be effective.
Posted by: Lena West | July 18, 2007 at 12:16 PM
Lena,
I wholeheartedly agree with you. I spent years in high-tech, where I was often the only woman in the room. However, as the years went by, I was increasingly the top level person in the room, and somehow it usually all worked. I was paid fairly for my pay grade and my position. I didn't play the victim when things went badly. I sucked it up and moved on (sometimes right out the door to a better job.)
We women are often our own worst enemy - one of my frustrations with a womens' biz group in which I was once very active was that it was somehow "not nice" to promote our businesses to each other! Particularly if one was on the board. We had the friendship thing down, but were (as a group) clueless re how those relationships could translate into better business for all of us. (Of course,we also had the other extreme of cluelessness, women who joined the organization just to sell make-up, vitamins, real estate, whatever...and were miffed when they couldn't just march up to any of us and do so, without any friendly preludes.)
And, just don't get me started on why "there aren't more women in blogging...or IT, or...or..." Well, it's not going to change if all we do is sit around and gaze at our navels and whine about how unfair it all is.
Posted by: Mary Schmidt | July 17, 2007 at 02:16 PM