Ain't social media grand? I was introduced to a new blogger today. Nikki Jeske, whom I met at the 1st BlogPaws and who is a talented blogger (among many other things) and is absolutely beautiful, wrote about this blogger on her Facebook page.
The title of the blog is Single Dad Laughing. How great is that? I am impressed by the title of the blog, by the design of the blog, and by the writing in the blog. May use it in my series on blogging over at BlogPaws.
But, I digress. This post is about a post Single Dad Laughing wrote in October, no less. Let that be a lesson to you - what goes online, stays online. And, can bring you attention months (even years) later. This particular post is titled, "Worthless women and the men who make them."
Do I have your attention?
Do you/have you ever considered yourself a "worthless woman"? I have. We won't go there. The blog post goes on, "Women are ugly," it states. "Women are fat. Women are bad mothers. Women are bad wives. Women are bad daughters." Oh my! And that's just the beginning!
It's a very long post (as is this one). I challenge you to read both, his and mine, through to the end. In essence, SDL is taking women to task for calling themselves all of those things. As he demonstrates further on in the post, much of the reasoning behind our trash-talk has to do with the way men perceive us. With the way the media perceives us first - in movies, TV shows, and magazines, and the way men can't keep their eyes off of those air-brushed images. This, he maintains, is why women hate themselves. Men, are the reason we worry about how fat we look and whether our hair smells nice. Men, he says over and over, need to grow up and love the women in their lives for being - women. Some for being softer than other women. Some for being shorter or taller or whatever. In the end, he accuses men of sabotaging women.
Is it true? Do we wish we were thinner, prettier, younger, smarter, taller, shorter, whatever... to please the men in our lives? Do we ladies buy into the media standard of beauty because we see our men drooling over copies of girlie magazines and movies with Angelina Jolie? Well, do we?
Maybe we do. To a point. But, maybe...just maybe... we should use the intelligence God gave us and stand up and say, "This is me. Take it or leave it."
Is it just as possible that we women buy into the same foolishness - thinking a shampoo can make our hair smell just so and feel just so and attract the right man? If so, why do we do it when we know it's all fake?
I'm not against trying to lose weight to be healthy. I'm not against skin cream to keep your skin soft (I use it, the store brand not the expensive brand). I'm not against eyeliner or mascara or new clothes (I am, vehemently, against high heels).
What I am against is the belief that these material things make us better than we are. I'm against women allowing their desire to have a mate (or make their mate happy) push them into trying to become a cover-girl or look like a cover girl or turn themselves into something they aren't.
Been there. Done that. In my youth, I was all about that. I was told I was nice to look at. I wanted to be nice to look at -- forever. I didn't starve myself because I didn't have to. But, I was careful what I ate! I kept my hair long because men like long hair, right? I wore skimpy clothes and was proud of my figure. And, sometimes, I wondered why people didn't take me seriously.
I'm pushing 60. The glow of youth has faded. People still think I'm younger than I am, which I love, but make no bones about it - I'm a Grandmother. I'm what the world thinks of as 'old.' My make-up, my weight, my clothes, reflect my age, I think. Because I'm finally realizing that the young woman I was thirty years ago sold herself short. She didn't allow her intelligence to propel her forward into a great career. She thought she could get by as an attractive women - even though she was a Mom and a wife. My Stepford Years, one might call them.
This woman, the woman I am today, is confident, strong, and willing to take risks. She wants to be a woman of distinction, recognized for her brain, her accomplishments, and the fact that her femininity is still in tact. I'm happy and proud to say a lot of that comes from my relationship with Tom - who loves the woman I am, not the women I once wished I was.
So, are men in charge to that extent? Is my recognition of Tom - for accepting me as is - support for SDL and his assertion that women feel diminished because men make them feel that way?
We are all influenced by those in our lives. So, yes, Tom is partly to blame for my new focus on being successful in my career - as a partner in a business with great potential. But, the reality lies with me. If I do not believe it, his saying it's so won't make it so.
Women - be proud of yourselves. Women - beauty blossoms over time; real beauty is made up of more than long eyelashes and a tiny ankle in a stilleto heel. Champion your uniqueness. Embrace your warmth, your giving, your intelligence. Throw away the notion that you need to be like anyone else.
Let us celebrate our beauty every day. Share your smile with a friend today and tell her how beautiful she is.