Fans of Visit Philly are invited to design their own prize in a Pinterest Contest
Saturday Musings on Gender

What If His Family Dumps You Too?

By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge

Have you ever had this happen before? You think it's bad enough that HE'S no longer in your life. Then you get the added slap in the face that his family suddenly doesn't want anything to do with you, either.

Forget all the holidays you've shared, all the laughs ~ even the big life moments like weddings, children being born, 1st birthday parties, etc.

Angry familyWhat about those shopping trips with his sisters? Going out for lunch? Calling his mom for cooking advice?

Suddenly...and without notice...they appear meaningless.

How could this be happening? What did he tell them? Why are they all unfriending me on Facebook? What did I do?

Just when you think it couldn't get any worse, it goes and does.

Yes, it's painful. You don't understand it. I adds another layer of uncertainty and ick value to this whole breakup/divorce thing you've got going on already. Your mind can run wild with different reasons and possible scenarios that led to this outcome.  Enough already!

So what do you do in this situation?

The way I see it, you've got two choices, My Darling.

1) Take it personally. This choice is very popular. However, it usually leads straight to a pity party of epic proportions. Why me? Am I THAT bad of a person? In their mind, of course, their son, brother, nephew, etc. can do no wrong! It must be all my fault! How could they think that?

Also, this choice CANNOT lead to a higher self-esteem for you, Gorgeous! It only leads to more self-doubt and possibly some good old-fashioned self-loathing. Is this your idea of a fun Friday night? No way!

2) Let it go. This choice can be a bit tough. After all, your thoughts keep returning to the hurt that this causes and what it says about YOU. However, if you think about it, it says more about THEM...right?

Also, who knows why they're doing it? Not you. Maybe your ex specifically asked or even forbade them from communicating with you. Maybe they think what they're doing shows their family loyalty and therefore, it's the right thing to do.

Maybe they feel so bad about the situation that they don't know what to say.  Then it becomes easier for them to say nothing ~ especially if it's uncomfortable for them. Maybe they know that their son, brother, etc. was kind of a jerk and so that's embarrassing too. They can't deal.

Are any of the above situations really about YOU at all? Nope.

So why would you waste your precious energy worrying yourself about it, My Fabulous Angel?

Yes, it hurts. There's no getting around the fact that you'll need to grieve the loss of these relationships. It's gotta happen. If it makes you feel any better, lots of sassy ladies have done it before you and ended up ~ what ~ completely okay with it.

That's the thing about our lives ~ people move in and out.  Sometimes, they're with us for it all. Sometimes, just for a split second. As the saying goes, "When someone walks out of your life, let them. They are just making room for someone better to walk in."

Shine On!


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been saved. Comments are moderated and will not appear until approved by the author. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment

Comments are moderated, and will not appear until the author has approved them.

Your Information

(Name is required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)