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Life in Review - Who Am I?

Who am IGoals and  New Year's resolutions are making their rounds of the web, this month. 

I'm not a big fan. Even writing goals down is not my idea of how to get things done. I write down tasks. Every day I have tasks. I put them down on paper and feel relieved when I can check most of them off, all in one day. None of them are 'goals' and I never make resolutions, but each one of them is important - or I wouldn't write them down.

I will admit that because it's a new year, and this is the 'start' of 2018, a year meant to be amazing  (after all 2018 adds up to the number 2 - and the number two is awesome in a variety of ways, just note below!) , I am doing a yearly review. The goal: to discover who I am.

As the most feminine among all numbers, the 2 is also the most underestimated -- at least, when it comes to power and strength. After all, she is almost always gentle, tactful, diplomatic, forgiving and understanding. Certainly, she likes to keep the peace and will avoid confrontations as much as possible.

I know many things about myself. I know, for instance, that I am a woman. You're probably laughing, but not all women can say that. Each gender has its own identity issues and questions. Knowing the 'woman' I am, my femaleness that is based on the ways society taught me to be a woman, helps me stay grounded. I know that I am a product of the world around me, and I know I need to be alert to outside influences that would treat me as a member of my gender only, and not as a woman. The two are not the same.; if you do not understand, I cannot explain it to you here. Some other time, perhaps. Over beer and wine and crackers and cheese. You're buying.

Accepting that I am a woman, I move on. 

Be the mountain

Who am I? I sometimes ask myself. The universal question, isn't it? Part of the hero's journey. We all experience it at some time in our lives. The question lurking in our sub-conscious from a very young age. I am certain even children wonder, sometimes, who they are. Children in certain situations - I can relate to the nights when sleep would not come, the room was dark, except for a sliver of moonlight sneaking through the curtains, and a nine year old girl staring, wide-eyed up at the ceiling, listening to her sister's quiet breathing, whispering out loud, "Who am I?"

The question is not what am I - at that age one understands the difference between being a plant, an animal, or a human being (though we learn later that human beings are animals, also). What one wonders, even then, is... who am I in the world? Who cares about me? Who will dry my tears and comfort me when I am in pain? 

Today, so many years removed from that young girl, I am beginning to learn who I am. The worry, which is not great, but is there, is that I will not fully discover who I am, before... I am no longer.

I am strong. I am resilient. I am a little crazy sometimes, boring at other times. I am fond of napping. I am fond of reading (because women more so than men,  are fond of reading, perhaps). I enjoy laughter - my sense of humor is occasionally questioned by my children. I am fond of hugs. I love writing, exploring ideas and thoughts and emotion, via words on paper (blogging is similar, it's much like writing words on paper). 

If I combine all of that with my knowledge that I am a woman, I become an empath. 

And there I pause. Because I am still learning what that means.

My life, in review, is not merely from 2017. The 2017 year past is not of consequence any longer. It's over. Yes, I did some things wrong. But, I did a lot right. And, a big part of that is because I find myself exploring the "who am I?" question on a regular basis. 

Therefore, the review isn't about the year gone by, it's about the people, and how I learned from them or taught them something. 

My life in review: who am I : an on-going conversation. Join me in the comments. 


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